Past, present and future

The turn of another glorious year is a time to reflect on the past year, see where we've ended up now and plan out our goals for the next. We literally made 2012 our bitch and it was one of the best years we have had. For a majority of our relationship, Firas and I have been a bit... Lost? We just have been literally chillaxing and trying out new life avenues. Though this year, we have finally decided on put life path together. It's exhilarating, scary and the most awesome thing we'll ever do. It allows us to do what we want to do everyday for the rest of our lives. We have our vision planned out and were making moves, big ones.

At some point, everyone will feel this kind of clarity. You have to. If you don't, you're missing out out on so much. Allow yourself to feel it. Let go of the anxiety and the weariness of life. Embrace the energy around you and know you have the power to create any life you choose.

My 2013 resolution is to learn how to love Sundays.

Translation of vibration

Being able to see the miniature transparent crevices of your own brain and thoughts. Floating in soft wavy circles high above a rental car. Through sugar smoke stacks and hints of salt. Remembering our attire. I fade into the sky and earth but everything is so clear. The clarity is overwhelming. Not just of this moment but of my entire life. At peace. So much sense is made. Though my thoughts are in a earth sized ball of rubber bands, calmness and understanding is abundant. Small and big.

I miss Maui like crazy. The beach bumming, boogie boarding, sitting in our ridiculously comfortable beach chains in the sunshine, parasailing above Maui, midnight smoke seshes on the beach by ourselves, fish market sandwiches, sweetness in the air, incredible feelings all day. We'll be back Maui.

Hooray for Initiative 502 passing!

Love tank

Everyone has a love tank. It's made up of your expectations, desires and necessities. Having it filled daily with these things are what makes you happy and content in a relationship. Most people who are unhappy are not getting their love tank filled. People who do not get it filled go out looking for more satisfaction elsewhere. Probably why some people cheat. It's a simple principle to follow but maybe sometimes your expectations are simply impossible to meet. Everyone's levels are different and obviously people mesh in different ways but if there's an open line of communication about filling your love tank, it makes it that much easier.

Fortunately for Firas and I, we fill each others love tanks daily. It's a really awesome feeling. Even after almost 6 years together, we're the very best friends. We're closer than we've ever been and its amazing. Highly recommend opening a line of communication with your SO if things are rocky.

The Secret -- for those of you who have read the books or watched the movie, kudos to you. When Firas started watching it I was a skeptic. I mean, it's a really inspirational idea that a lot of people can turn their lives around with but I didn't really believe in the vision of things. Until it started happening! It would be small things that I would have little thoughts about and twice in last 2 days, it's happened. Kind of creeped me out but then I remembered that the universe gives back what you give it. It has literally changed my life.

I'm finally living the life that I've always wanted to live. Thanksgiving a few days ago reminded me of how many things in my life I am thankful for. I told every one of my family members why I was thankful for them. Appreciation is a really good feeling to give someone.

Hooooray for Maui on Wednesday. :D

RIP Sam III

It's been a while since I cried a lot. My Grandparents bought Sam for my brother and I about 13 years ago. He was just a tiny little poodle puppy. The last 2 poodles my Grandparents had were both named Sam so naturally, he was named Sam too. We have had our share of vacations with him and taking him places. He was a really good dog, minus the crazy barking whenever anyone would walk by the outside window. He loved spaghetti more than any other food, he would always have a spaghetti mustache after dinner. He loved to play fetch with his rope and sit next to Grandpa all day. It's my first encounter with death so close to me. And I'm sad, really sad. It was very much his time to go but I wasn't ready. I don't think anyone was. Especially my Grandparents because he was their BFF. Just seeing him lifeless broke my heart. But now he's in heaven because all dogs go to heaven. He's up there partying and eating spaghetti everyday. We love and miss you Sam. RIP under the apple tree, I'll think of you everyday.

Metanoia

“The winds that sometimes take something we love, are the same that bring us something we learn to love. Therefore we should not cry about something that was taken from us, but, yes, love what we have been given. Because what is really ours is never gone forever.”
― Bob Marley

Amen Bob Marley!

Besides everything physical we can see and touch, there is so much more out there. So many spiritual, mental and emotional experiences that can change you forever. Like the post title says, Metanoia. I first came along this term while listening to the song actually called Metanoia by MGMT. The song is very psychedelic sounding with some words but many that don't make obvious sense. It really sounds amazing. Metanoia is defined a few different ways; the Greek say its part of repentance while others say that it is the complete disassembly of your mind and conscious then reassembling it in a positive way. I feel like part of me has gone through this transformation in the last 6 months, deconstructing my thoughts and coming at them in a more positive different way. It has no doubt made me a happier person. Of course I still have a shitty day here and there but so much of life is perspective.

Moving on to the lighter stuff... Halloween is Wednesday but we partied already. I was a dark angel and Firas was Blake from Workaholics. We went out, got crazy and enjoyed ourselves very much. Maui is exactly 1 month from today and I am bouncing off the walls excited!

Though I don't know exactly what career path I want to take since I feel like I was born to be a wife and mother, I'm enjoying my time in between. :)

Nature and little wonders

Nature is so beautiful. It's the natural background in our lives. We overlook a lot of simply beautiful things because we live too quickly. I feel so fortunate to have ample time on my hands to explore my life and the things around me since I don't work a regular job. I feel like that factors into a lot of my happiness, living simply or simply living... I'm happy with either. With our upcoming Maui trip approaching fast, I can't help but daydream about all the beautiful things there. The palm trees, clean water, beaches, fresh tropical fruit, delicious Hawaiian cuisine. Neither Firas or I have been to Hawaii so everything will be new to us. My dad has given me a few tips since he lived on Oahu for a bit growing up. I've traveled a little bit but this will be our first big trip together. Everyone keeps asking 'why didn't you go to Oahu? Maui is so boring and there's no nightlife.' Well maybe because we're not going there for the nightlife. Maui is much more relaxed with more nature around. We're looking to unwind, hike, bike, parasail, boogie board and snorkel. Not get wasted at the club.

Firas and I came to the conclusion that we enjoy spending so much time together and have the most fun ever because we're best friends. We never get tired of each other and everything we do together is an adventure. Which is why Maui is going to be golden.

Picture below from this morning on my way to Bellingham to pick Kenna up. :)

Deathly afraid of death

Lets start off from the beginning. My parents are divorced. I chose to live with my dad since he was always there for my brother and I growing up. He's literally the best father in the world. My mom, well that's another story. Regardless, I am very close to all of my grandparents. My dad's parents basically raised my brother and I while my dad worked. My mom's parents also live right behind us, so we saw them continually. To this day, I see all of my grandparents multiple times a week. I give my Japanese grandma weekly manicures and train my Oma at the gym. This is the life I love. Most people have a group of friends they hang out with but I hang with the OGs. I have a few friends that I've known for years that I consider family but that's pretty much it. I don't miss people my age. There is so much to learn from our elders, so much joy we can give them and so much love between family. I am unsure how I will ever handle losing a loved one. I have never had to deal with it before. Many people come to the conclusion that they are in a better place-- which is probably true. Heaven and hell are not exactly real places to me. I was not raised religiously so I have an open mind. Death isn't something we should be afraid of. It's a natural process that happens to every living thing. Even at that, I am having the hardest time wrapping my head around it.

This week:

Pumpkin patch, Salmon fishing, Sounders game and my dear lover Kenna comes home for a few days. I cannot wait. :)

Organic

I'm not talking about the 'USDA certified organic' fad, but the real stuff.
People seem to forget life's little blessings. Especially the most organic blessings of them all, life. Being in tune with your body really promotes lifelong happiness. Taking a few moments everyday to reflect on how you feel emotionally and physically can give you an idea about what is going on inside
of your life. Being mentally sound is the most important aspect of life. In theory there is never a reason to feel angry. There are always reasons for things happening and you must understand those reasons in order to move past the anger. Unfortunately that is a very hard concept to understand. I like to look at it from farther away. Remember how small we are from a distance, then move farther and farther out, you then realize how insignificant those issues are. How many opportunities and adventures lie out there. Eventually it will all come full circle for a few split seconds and you will really feel life like it is meant to be felt.

Album of the week... Or maybe month:

Aquatic Reverie - Blue Sky Black Death

Alone

As much as I genuinely enjoy spending time with my family, Firas and dear friends, I love alone time. Once in a blue moon when I'm just at home by myself, I will use this time to really re-connect with myself. Come back down to the ground. Along with loving who I have become as a person, I love exploring my feelings. I'll usually run myself a bath and really reflect. Remember all of the good things I am fortunate to experience in my life and smile. I feel like once I regenerate my conscious, I literally radiate positive vibes. It feels amazing. Everyone should remember who is most important in their life and appreciate them. Whether its yourself or someone else, make sure to tell them how much of an impact they have on your life. It's all that really matters.

Classy, gracious & proper

Let's start off with the fact that I am no prude... I mean, I've put up with Firas' dick jokes and typical guy humor this long. ;)

Buuuuut, I do not like this generation. This #yolo, sexting, crazy group of kids. Girls now days lack class. They are far from gracious and I doubt they know anything about being proper. I don't know if its my upbringing with 1 Japanese & 1 German grandma, but they taught me the traditional things. Simple manners and ways to handle situations with grace. I always love to watch Mad Men because of Betty Draper. She is my definition of a good wife-- minus all the infidelity from both sides. I'm no doormat but I also never talk down to Firas.

Being around girls who talk down to their significant other seems to bother me. I'm not trying to be sexist but I do not think its a woman's place to speak to a man that way. Okay fine, that sounded really sexist.

I stumbled upon the movie Stepford Wives last night on Netflix and decided to watch it while I did cardio at the gym. I love the Stepford community. The movie is sort of a parody of the way it used to be and I can see where it's coming from. But at the same time, the husband just wanted a normal life where his wife was home more often and was happy. With her working for a big network all the time, she had no time for her husband, kids or home. I doubt they ever ate a home cooked meal or enjoyed a Sunday relaxing.

I guess I just wish that being a stay at home wife was more acceptable these days.

Autumn

Autumn is yes... My favorite season! It has always marked a time for change. Whether its school starting, trees turning orange or the cool air; it never ceases to give me butterflies. Growing up, I was never a fan of change. My house that I have spent my entire life in, is very retro. It was up until last year that we finally got rid of the hideous 1970's microwave and opted for a new shiny Kenmore. I was always very used to everything around me and that gave me comfort. Knowing that I can always come back home and everything will be exactly the same. But I recently started to embrace change. It wasn't embracing change in material things but the change in me. I am finally growing into the person that I have always wanted to be. I used to see girls that were comfortable with who they were and I would turn green with envy. I didn't understand how it was possible. But I've finally gotten here. And I'm thrilled. I'm not afraid of people looking at me. I'm not afraid to talk to strangers. Because we're all in this together.

On to other full Autumn festivities. I've already gone bananas at Bath & Body Works, from Creamy Pumpkin to Autumn Day... I bought it all. Fall is also one of the best times for Salmon fishing. My dad is an avid fisherman so now is the time to tag along. I enjoy heading down to the Green River with my dad and Firas to catch some pinks. Its definitely one of my favorite things to do.

We might as well address my music situation while we're at Autumn festivities. I like different kinds of music; from Psych Folk to Proto Electro Punk Art Noise. My absolute go to band for Autumn is Mellowdrone. 'Box' and 'Angry Bear' are the 2 albums I listen to continually while sipping on my pumpkin spice white mocha.

Let's begin again

Ever since blogging became cool, I've blogged on and off. From Xanga to Tumblr and everything in between. I've wrote blogs where I've censored my thoughts and thought I was writing to a specific audience, I've wrote blogs where when I looked back, I didn't even know who was writing it. But now, it's time.

Over the last couple of months, something in my life has shifted. I am unsure of exactly what it might be but I am a new person today. I started feeling so blessed, so happy and so grateful for everything in my life. The first time it happened, I was driving home on 405 and it was overwhelming. For the past 23 years, I was always unsure of who I was. I was always lost, intimidated by other people and had little self worth. I finally can see clearly.

Life in general is amazing, seriously. The simple fact that we are alive is something so incredible. I feel like a large majority of people in America get caught up in the things that do not matter but unfortunately money, power and sex wins. But when all of that fades away, what really matters? I find that I value family and the connections I have with people the most. My concept of a happy life has shifted to a simple one. I enjoy new experiences and the simplicity of it all. Almost like my grandparent's generation where the highlight of the week was getting ice cream as a family. Women stayed home to take care of the house and the children and men supported this idea. Don't get me wrong, women who want to be CEO's of big companies and bring in a paycheck... more power to you. I just have a traditional viewpoint.

I am just a very lucky girl; I have a fabulous family life, an amazing best friend/boyfriend combo and I have great people around me. I also feel so blessed because I was able to realize what really matters in my life. I look forward to life everyday.

Until next time...